Holiday Triggers Are Real: How Trauma Shows Up and how to Protect Your Peace

RecipeTrauma
Written By Johanna Montenegro

It's the holiday season. Everywhere you look on social media, TV, and in-stores, there are images of cozy living rooms, warm candlelight, and families laughing together. But for many, the reality doesn’t match that picture-perfect vision.

You may know this feeling. Where you pull into a familiar driveway, step out into the crisp air, and hear the chatter of relatives. Your body reacts before your mind catches up: a tight chest, a knot in your stomach, a sense of bracing. Because you already know that when families gather together, old dynamics begin to surface.

Even with healing work behind you, family environments can pull you back into old roles, the peacemaker, the quiet one, or the “problem child.” Holiday gatherings often trigger survival mode rather than joy.

Common Sources of Holiday Trauma

  • Family-of-origin dynamics that conditioned you to walk on eggshells

  • Narcissistic or emotionally immature parents

  • Past relationships, divorce, or breakups

  • Grief or loss, especially heightened during the holidays

  • Community-level trauma, like natural disasters or local crises

Being near family can reopen wounds you didn’t expect. Old narratives, expectations, and roles can feel hard to navigate, even after years of healing. Let’s explore what might be triggering those feelings and how you can gently protect your peace.

Relational & Narcissistic Family Dynamics

Some families can feel like houses full of ghosts, the people and dynamics that shaped who you once had to be, linger long after you’ve left home.

You might notice:

  • A parent commenting on your appearance

  • A relative asking invasive questions under the guise of “tradition”

  • Jokes at your expense expecting a laugh

These dynamics are familiar to your nervous system. Common patterns include:

  • Boundary violations disguised as tradition

  • Pressure to explain or justify choices

  • Gaslighting or minimizing feelings

  • Slipping back into old roles

It’s important to remember that two things can be true at once: you can love your family and still feel emotionally unsafe with them. Real emotional closeness can only be attained when safety is present.

How Trauma Shows Up

Trauma isn’t only stored in the mind. Your body remembers what your mind may try to forget. Common signs during gatherings include: 

Physical Reactions: racing heart, dizziness, tight chest, tense muscles.
Emotional Responses: anxiety, dread, sadness, anger, regression to younger patterns.
Behavioral Patterns: over-accommodating, monitoring others’ moods, taking responsibility for everyone’s comfort.
Sensory Triggers: familiar smells, tones, phrases, or routines.
Disrupted Routines: poor sleep, irregular meals, little personal space.

These responses aren’t failures, and they don’t mean something is wrong with you. They’re actually your nervous system reacting to past pain. 

Why the Holidays Feel Especially Heavy

The holiday season often amplifies:

  • Grief: longing for people or relationships that aren’t here

  • Divorce or separation realities: empty holidays or altered family traditions

  • Parental wounds: reminders of emotional unavailability or inconsistency

  • Domestic violence histories: heightened fear or hypervigilance

That’s precisely what makes this time of year so difficult. The contrast between what holidays “should” feel like and what they actually feel like. Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, it means you’re human.

3 Ways to Protect Your Peace

1. Before the Gathering

  • Identify triggers: know which people, topics, or environments challenge your nervous system.

  • Set intentions: decide how long to stay and what boundaries you need.

  • Build a support system: check in with a friend or therapist before/after.

  • Plan self-care: sleep, nourishment, movement, grounding rituals.

2. During the Gathering

  • Set boundaries clearly: “I’m not comfortable discussing that,” or “I’ll be leaving at ___.”

  • Take breaks: step outside, find a quiet room, or take a short walk.

  • Ground yourself: breathwork, sensory exercises, or feeling your feet on the floor.

  • Disengage from conflict: silence can be a boundary. You don’t have to justify or absorb everything.

3. After the Gathering

  • Prioritize self-care: rest, hydrate, nourish, and relax.

  • Reflect or debrief: journal or talk with a safe person about what came up.

  • Seek professional support if needed: trauma-informed therapy can help you regulate and process triggers.

Trauma Therapy in San Antonio: Find Peace and Healing This Season

At Whole Life Healing Therapies in San Antonio, we specialize in helping women heal from narcissistic family dynamics, spiritual trauma, and relational trauma, especially around emotionally intense seasons like the holidays.

We use trauma-informed modalities including:

  • EMDR Therapy in San Antonio

  • Integrative Somatic Therapy

  • Attachment-focused and relational healing

  • Nervous system regulation and parts work

These approaches help your nervous system respond differently, process unresolved emotional pain, and build real emotional safety, so you can show up with more clarity, grounding, and confidence.

You Deserve Safety, Space, and Support

The holidays may bring up old roles, wounds, and expectations, but you don’t have to abandon yourself in order to survive the season. Your healing matters, and you can meet this time of year with more peace and a deeper ability to discern, respond, and care for yourself.

We offer trauma-informed care for women healing from narcissistic, spiritual, and relational trauma. You don’t have to navigate this season alone, support is here. Reach out today to Whole Life Healing Therapies to begin your journey.



Johanna Montenegro