It's the holiday season. Everywhere you look on social media, TV, and in-stores, there are images of cozy living rooms, warm candlelight, and families laughing together. But for many, the reality doesn’t match that picture-perfect vision.

You may know this feeling. Where you pull into a familiar driveway, step out into the crisp air, and hear the chatter of relatives. Your body reacts before your mind catches up: a tight chest, a knot in your stomach, a sense of bracing. Because you already know that when families gather together, old dynamics begin to surface.

Even with healing work behind you, family environments can pull you back into old roles, the peacemaker, the quiet one, or the “problem child.” Holiday gatherings often trigger survival mode rather than joy.

Common Sources of Holiday Trauma

• Family-of-origin dynamics that conditioned you to walk on eggshells

• Narcissistic or emotionally immature parents

• Past relationships, divorce, or breakups

• Grief or loss, especially heightened during the holidays

• Community-level trauma, like natural disasters or local crises

Being near family can reopen wounds you didn’t expect. Old narratives, expectations, and roles can feel hard to navigate, even after years of healing. Let’s explore what might be triggering those feelings and how you can gently protect your peace.